He's Never Too Busy To Catch Us

   Isn't it funny how things happen in bunches? Not funny, actually, but overwhelming, frustrating and enough to make you feel you might be coming to the end of your rope!!!
   But... there is always more rope, I've found. And just when I think I'm gonna rip my arm out of it's socket trying to hold on, God reminds me to let go and boy, is that scary!!!!!
   But, when I do, I realize there was a ledge waiting for me a mere six inches under my feet. God knew it was there the entire time and was just waiting for me to trust Him to have it handled.
   He will never let us fall. He is always faithful; He's never too busy, never too preoccupied and never overwhelmed with bigger matters. YOU are the biggest, most important thing in His life. All He wants in return is dependence on Him, willingness to listen to His wise instruction and a heart that yearns to be with Him.

My "Charmed" LIfe

Sometimes I get the feeling that I give off the aura of a "charmed life." That people don't realize I have had lots of struggles in my life and only by the grace of God and lots of people praying for me am I where I'm at. I haven't gone through what many people have gone through... but it's still been a battle to get to where I'm at. I'm happy I've gone through it and I'm thankful that God brought me through it to the relationship I have with Him now and that He will continue to take me through many more battles in order to perfect my faith and patience. I know from what I have experienced that I'm glad I don't know what I don't know. I used to think that because I have been a Christian all my life that I didn't have much of a testimony. But I know that each person has to make their relationship with God their own and it takes hard work, tears and lots of frustration to get there - to where it's genuine. I used to regret my mistakes but now I thank God for each and every thing, even the mess-ups, because it's taught me how much I can depend on God and how much I can't depend on myself. It's taught me that God never lies and He keeps every promise He made in the Bible. It's taught me to trust in Him when I can't fathom where the road is going that I'm on. It's taught me that whatever happens in my life, even the stuff that feels like it will rip my heart out, isn't happening by chance or for the fun of it or because God doesn't care. It's happening because God is allowing it to happen. Maybe what's happening is because of the fallen state of the world and mankind but God is still going to use it to His glory and for my well-being. I can trust Him even when I can't see how it could possibly work out. I can trust Him to change my attitude when I'm the one getting in my own way. I can trust Him. That's how come I can give off the aura of a charmed life. Not because my life is perfect, or better than anyone else's but because God takes the bad and makes it good. It's definitely a work in progress. I have lots of attitude deficiencies but if I allow Him to, God will rub off all those jagged edges until my character shines like a rock that's been in the tumbler. It's not easy, it's painful. But the outcome is so much more beautiful than if He were to leave me in the hard, jaggedy, colorless shell I started out with. I thank Him for His constant faithfulness, His abiding love, His patience and His perseverance.

Praise the Mount, I'm Fixed Upon it...

"Come, Though, Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy praise. Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise! Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above! Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it, mount of Thy redeeming love!

Here I raise mine Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I'm come. And I hope, by Thy good pleasure, safely to arrive at home. Jesus called me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God. He, to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood!

Oh, to grace, how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be. Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it - prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, oh, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above!"

This hymn has been floating through my mind lately...
I am in the process of establishing a new blog on our church's website and this song seems to be the theme my heart keeps coming back to when I think about what I want to base my blog on.

I have decided to call my blog, "My Ebenezer," because I want my theme to be, "Praise God!!!" He has done so much for me... the song says it all, really, but it's not just WORDS... it's my heart-song.

It's like someone looked into my heart and wrote about it soooo long ago, maybe 100 years ago, even, I can't remember the date of the authorship of the hymn... I suppose every Christian feels this in their hearts, at some point, or multiple points, or from the point of salvation.

For me, I feel it at various points. I want to feel it all the time, and I will say that as I grow in my walk with the Lord I do feel it more and more. It's amazing to me, the peace that God has, that He wants me to rest in, secure and safe from the world's vices and harms.

What a God!

Yes, I am constrained to be a debtor... but nothing I can do can ever add up to the sum of the cross, and He doesn't want me to try! He wants my heart, and He gives me the power to lay it at His feet when I cannot myself. His grace is endless and grows bigger with every breath I take...

I want to stand on the highest mountain and SHOUT out what the Lord has done for me, but at the same time it blows my mind and makes me smaller than a grain of sand... and he SEES ME!!!! Even me!!! Little ol' helpless, tiny, insignificant me... and loves me with a love beyond my comprehension.

What a God...

A New Year...

Ah, well. It is the beginning of a New Year. Much has changed in my life since this time last year. I am no longer living in Redmond.
I am very thankful to be back with my parents, and back in Elkton with my church family here. But I also miss the Redmond home fellowship. I miss Erin Mazur, soooo much. She is like a sister to me, especially after living with her for nearly nine months.

That's an interesting amount of time... I have not been telling people the exact amount of time because I didn't want anyone to get a wrong idea. I was not pregnant, that is NOT the reason I was in Redmond, as everyone in Redmond will attest to! No, it just worked out that way.
During my time in Redmond God showed me a lot of things, about myself and life and interacting with people, and character... lots of things. Since I've been back home He has continued to mold and shape me and I have been slowly continuing the process of sluffing off my old self and changing into someone more beautiful, someone more like Christ.

I cannot express my love for God, for His unchanging faithfulness. I am so thankful that He never gives up! He will continue to change me and perfect me until the Day of Christ!
He will not be fickle, not even like a best friend who is human. He's a best friend who is divinely perfect!

Since I've been home I have made some changes in my approach to God. I have never been very consistent with Bible-reading or praying. I have been very on-again-off-again in that department. I'm not saying that's changed, but it's gotten better. Or at least my on-again period seems to be getting longer, which is a good thing!

I have started journaling prayers and Bible verses. This has been such a useful tool. Not only does it help me look back and remember things I've prayed for and see how/if God has answered my prayers, but it has changed the tone of my prayers. When I write out what I say to God, I'm careful about what I say and how I say it... it's not about it being a more beautiful prayer, but somehow it is by my attitude. When I write to God, it's more thought-out, like a letter. I actually say the things I want to say and don't say things I don't need or want to say. It's like thinking before you speak... novel concept, yes?! For me, yes!

I have renewed some friendships since my return to Elkton. I will not say that they are friendships that SHOULD have been renewed, but because my attitude has changed, or at least shifted, they can now work in a way that does not interfere with my submission to Christ. And because my attitude has changed, I can now SEE when or if they are becoming a problem.
I have never had so much control before, but at the same time, it's not ME in control, it's me allowing God to be! It's a huge relief!

This is all positive, and the list continues though I cannot think of them all at the moment. But I would also like to share the down-side, or at least some of it. It is so hard for me to live with my father, a highly negative person.
I have become much better about keeping myself unto myself... or not allowing other people's attitudes to influence my own. I used to be pretty much controlled by whatever everyone else in the room was feeling. I have not completely changed, though. So, it's still a downer for me, though I have gotten much better about keeping my joy in the Lord instead of my happiness in others.

It's also somewhat of a downer just living here, for several reasons. When I live with my parents, I have set a routine over the years of doing the bare minimum and becoming content to stay there and be lazy. I fall into a pattern of just squeaking by and staying home on the couch on my behind for as much of the day as I can manage to do.
Consequently, it's very easy for me to fall into depressions, bad attitudes, general slothfulness. It's fairly disgusting. I really want to change that, but once you're there it's such a huge up-hill battle!

For any of you reading this, whether you know me or not or want to say anything to me directly or not (I will gladly take constructive criticism, encouragement, whatever you want to offer!) I entreat you to please pray for me! Please pray that I will obey the Lord and want to do the right thing in this area! Pray the Lord gives my heart the right attitude when I do not seek that for myself and help me to be the daughter to my parents, and friend to those around me or far away who count on me, that they need and which God has planned for me to be!
I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Mercy

In our Bible Study every Wednesday night, here in the tiny little village of Elkton, we have been studying the book of Romans. Paul's letter to the Gentiles for the sake of the Jews. Or something like that...

Last night we talked about God's mercy, what that is and what it looks like. How it's effected our lives and how we would describe it personally.

Mercy and Grace go hand-in-hand; Grace is giving a person what they need in spite of what they deserve, Mercy is giving a person compassion when they deserve judgement.

God's mercy is beyond my understanding. His grace is so unfathomable... and that He wants to give these things to me when I make stupid mistakes and do the same sinful things over and over and over is... amazing. It's invaluable, it's precious.

In my life God's mercy has been so great and so constant... He not only saves me so that I can live a righteous life leading to eternity, He actually gives me tools to help me do it; and then He gives me more tools when I have a hard time with the ones I have, and then He sits me down and helps me figure them out when I can't do it on my own.

I just think... wow. It would be perfectly reasonable for God to save us and then let us figure everything else out on our own, even condemn us for not living perfect and blameless lives from there on out. But He's willing to do all the work for us... all He needs is our submission to His will: control of our lives.

It's such a simple little thing... and yet this one thing I cannot give over. I give it over and take it back again. And again.

In our Bible study we talked about a living sacrifice and what the difference is between a living and a dead sacrifice. The conclusion was that the living sacrifice gets up and walks off the alter at times.

We have to continually sacrifice our will to God because it doesn't die. It wakes up and gets down off the alter when left to it's own devices.

Thank God for His mercy!

"...The Reason I live is to worship You."

Lately... I have not been living like that is the reason I exist.

It's so easy to fall into habits. We wake up every morning and numbly stumble through our routine existence: I get up, blindly stumble into the bathroom where I somehow manage to adjust my eyes to light and get dressed. I go to the barn and fumble through the routine of milking the goats, filling feeders and getting goats in and out of the milking stands. Then I go up to the house and rush like a mad woman to strain the milk, fill the dishwasher, get a lunch packed, get dressed and dash out the door to get to work.
I come home and stumble through some more routines until it's bedtime, get up and do it all again.

Somewhere in the middle of it all I realize that I don't have a very good attitude. Gee, wonder why.

I will have a conversation with someone and they'll say something I don't agree with, or that seems nasty or something and find myself picking them apart in my mind hours later.

I cannot worship God and fault-find at the same time, it's just not possible.

I cannot blindly stumble through routine patterns day in and day out and live my life on purpose to worship God.

Now, that doesn't mean that all the routine things don't have to be performed. But I don't have to check my brain and heart at the door while performing. I worship God through the routines He has put and worked into my life. I could even make time for some routines that more directly involve Him

God has put me here to worship, honor and bring glory to Him in all that I do and say and THINK.

If I spent more time pondering that and less time picking apart things other people say, my routines could become infinitely more precious and worthwhile. They could become crowns that one day I will cast at the feet of Jesus!

They That Wait...

Lately I've been ... working. I get up and go to work and come home and sleep and get up and do it all over again.
While I love my job and am very happy to be getting all the hours I'm getting, it still gets rather monotonous.
Today on my way home I was driving along and thinking, something I do a lot of between the commute to and from Bend each day, and started feeling the monotony creeping in a little. I started feeling a bit impatient. Impatient for what? For the rest of my life.
I know this is where God has me at the moment, and in most ways I'm really happy with that. But it's hard to be content sometimes when I get stuck in a rut and feel like I'm doing the same thing every day, and the sin nature in me starts telling me that there is no purpose in it.
So then I get impatient with God and want the next chapter to begin. I start struggling, my spirit at war with itself over whether to calmly let God play the scenes of my life His way or not. It makes me tired.
Today I was sensing the struggle going on inside me (a lot of times this happens and goes on for some time before I become aware of it) and prayed.
Novel concept, right?? =]
Just a short, cry sort of a prayer. A, "PLEASE GOD!" sort of a prayer. And immediately, I mean, IMMEDIATELY, the verse, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount on wings as eagles; they shall walk and not grow weary, they shall run and not faint." floated through my mind like a whisper. I just contemplated it, and started, without realizing I was even doing it, to meditate on it. I went through the verse as a whole, then took it piece by piece. I got to "upon the Lord" before I realized He'd magnificently answered my prayer.
It was amazing. I thanked Him and continued mediating on the verse and peace just washed over me.
I have a purpose, I'm fulfilling it right now. It's called waiting upon the Lord. God promises that they that do shall renew their strength. I'm not sure what it means to mount on wings as eagles and I don't think I've ever felt like I could run a marathon, but I know God is renewing my strength because I'm not fretting anymore. It's a wonderful feeling!
I'm still tired and I still don't like being single and I still have to get up at six thirty and go to work tomorrow morning. But it's okay. God's got it and He KNOWS. He knows what He's doing and He has this amazing purpose in mind and it's got my name on it. And I'm okay with that.